Dust off the clubs, locate that one glove you swear you put “somewhere safe,” and start stretching whatever it is we pull when we try to hit a 7-iron like we’re 25 again. With LIV Golf allegedly folding, it’s comforting to know at least one golf institution remains unshakable: XII. We return Thursday evening, May 7 with a 6:00 PM tee off, and yes—there will be golf played. “Played” is doing a lot of work in that sentence, but still.

Big news this year: we’ve moved to Twin Oaks. That means fresh fairways, brand-new places to lose balls, and exciting new landscaping to blame when a perfectly reasonable shot takes a hard right into a shrub it definitely didn’t see coming.

Of course, a move like this also means saying goodbye to Pendleton Hills. We’ll miss having the place basically to ourselves and sneaking out for earlier tee times like we were pulling off some kind of very low-stakes heist. But, sadly, Pendleton was becoming quite the drive for some people—so we’re relocating in the name of convenience (and, presumably, fewer pre-round complaints in the group chat).

We’re also adding some fresh talent (or at least fresh optimism) with two new members: Kevin Klein and Jerrod Phillipps. Please welcome them warmly, ideally before we start asking them to “keep an eye on” our tee shots.

In the spirit of preparation, I reviewed last year’s stats and discovered something truly heartwarming: only one golfer improved last year. Shout-out to Rich Parvesse, whose handicap went down a heroic 1.5 strokes. Everyone else? Congrats on your personal growth journey—your handicaps went up, proving that XII remains committed to consistency, just not the good kind.

Name	2026	2025	Δ
Richard Parvesse	17.8	19.3	-1.5
Andy Crowe	17.9	17.8	0.1
Brady Gosney	12.7	12.1	0.6
Michael Harris	1.1	0.2	0.9
Matthew Bedell	13.6	12.3	1.3
Pete Goldenberg	9.3	7.7	1.6
Danny Roller	7.4	5.8	1.6
Nick Duer	9.3	7.1	2.2
Jeff Capannari	24.5	21.7	2.8
John Rayburn	17.2	14.3	2.9

Gentle(ish) Rules Reminders

• Format (so nobody “forgets”). We play 9 holes of match play: 1 point for each hole won, plus 1 point for low net. Math will be kept to a minimum, but feelings may still get hurt.
• Weekly prize. Low net each week takes home $25. Please plan accordingly—either by playing better or by practicing your “good game” smile.
• No ties. This is golf, not a diplomatic summit. If we’re tied, we settle it immediately via one of the following: closest to the pin (from at least 50 yards out), a putt off, or a chip off.
  • The player with the higher handicap chooses the type of tie breaker.
  • The player with the lower handicap picks the location.
  • Putt off / chip off: play until the ball is holed—lowest number of strokes wins. Closest to the pin: the ball does not need to be holed—closest wins.
  • Still tied? Repeat the process starting from the location step above, but swap who chooses the location.
• Ball up. Yes, we allow it. If your ball finds a crater, a root, or what appears to be an ancient divot fossil, move it to something resembling grass and carry on.
• “Inside the leather” gimmes. If it’s inside the leather, your opponent can offer a gimme… and also can choose violence and make you putt it. No pressure.
• Outside the leather? You’re putting. All putts outside the leather must be played. Miracles are great, but we still need to see the ball go in.
• Pace of play is paramount. We tee off late and daylight is not going to wait while we hold a committee meeting over a 3-footer. Play ready golf!!

Bottom line: be at Twin Oaks on Thursday, May 7, ready to roll at 6:00 PM. Bring clubs, balls, and the emotional resilience required to watch a “safe layup” somehow find the only trouble on the hole. We’ll play nine, pretend we’re out here to “compete,” and then immediately start negotiating gimmes like it’s a major championship. See you on the first tee—daylight is limited and so is our attention span.

And remember – Never bitch about a tap in par.

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